Support
We talk about it all the time, encouraging it within our lives as being a protective factor. And yet, when provided with challenges in our lives, our brains can turn to isolation as a means of survival. And when asked in those moments of challenge and trial, “How can I support you?” it is common that our minds go blank.
We as humans often do a wonderful job discussing the importance of support- not a wonderful job and identifying what that can tangibly look like as each individual is so different.
When exploring what support looks like in your own life, it may be helpful to reflect on what didn’t work at different points in time as well as what DID work. For example, having individuals share that ‘everything happens for a reason,’ when sometimes, life is just tough. Certain comments may not be the most helpful for an aching heart. Upon reflection, maybe someone just shared that the challenge you are facing sounds difficult and they are there to just check in (silent support) may be just what you needed. Support is personal.
People are also not mind readers. Letting your loved ones, friends, and peers know what you specifically need from them can both lessen anxiety on their end and frustration on yours if you feel that you are not receiving the support you were hoping for. Sometimes it is trial and error. But we can only explore what is helpful or not by practice.
Often when we are struggling, depressed, anxious, or grieving- we desire to isolate ourselves. Again, this immediate need for aloneness is absolutely understandable. When I think about when an animal is wounded, they want to be left alone to tend to its injury. Emotional pain shows up neurologically in our bodies the same way as physical pain does. Thus when we are emotionally injured, we physically want to tend to this pain in similar ways. Unfortunately for many, including me, the longer isolated, the closer to depression snuggle I move towards.
Know yourself and what you need in terms of how little or much human connection and support you can tolerate. From whom. Frequency. Duration. Etc.
If I need active listening and no feedback or advice, I go to * insert this person here.
If I need directions on how to change a car tire or get the best rates for something, I go to *insert this person.
If I need someone to listen to my deep emotions, I go to my therapist or *insert this person here.
If I need someone to just be with me and laugh and run errands with, I ask *insert this person here.
We can have different roles of support for different individuals. Not everyone has to fit that singular role.
First, identify if they have space to offer support. This gives them permission to say yes, no, or later. Ask for what you need directly. If they are not in a space to offer you the support you are requiring at that moment in time, it is ok to feel feels. Maybe you feel ashamed for asking in the first place. Let that emotion sit for a minute. You are not too much. And it is ok for people to not be in the space to offer support if they too are pouring from an empty cup. Allow yourself to interact with that emotion compassionately. And then move on to the next person on your support list.
Our all-or-nothing brain may try to sabotage that incident and offer to you that you are not worth seeking support. Give up. Shut down. But what if we tapped into our wise mind, that space between the black and white, and challenged that thought with critical thinking and compassion?
“I am so grateful Susan was honest that they could not come over right now. That vulnerability assists me in mirroring how I can also share with others when I am tapped out. I will move on to the next person and ask for what I need.”
We may feel that we are not worthy or deserving of support. Let us also sit with that emotion and
remember that feelings are not facts. As humans, we are not islands. I need people on a daily basis. I
need the Fry’s grocer to stock the shelves so I can have dog food and human food. I need pilots to fly me
to places. I need the mechanic to fix my car. I also need other humans around me for my emotional
support and growth. And usually, when I share my challenges, this assist and supports others in feeling
emotionally connected and encourages relationships. Is it easy? NO WAY! And receiving and giving
support is a beautiful gift. You both deserve to receive and provide support as you feel safe and able to do so.
We support you at RevealED! Thank you for your support! Reach out to us if desiring additional support
from one of our trusted providers. We are here for you.
From our hearts to yours!
